The last 24 hours have been some of my darkest hours. It is 12:51 am and I can’t sleep.
I have so much negative in my life at present and it can sometimes be extremely overwhelming to continue to remain strong and positive all the time. Negative in my personal and professional life as a result of other people’s actions and personal circumstances. I find it hard to continue to stay positive at all times and this is when “the black dog” rears its ugly head.
I’m proud of myself for acknowledging my actions and are going to make steps towards healing from these.
It is ok to not be ok and I must remember this. It is a heavy load to continue to be positive all the time when life is continuing to throw you lemons…. but with love, light and faith I will get through this.
I’m proud of myself for even just having the courage to put myself out there to acknowledge my demons. I will get through this. I will take day by day and reconnect with my inner child ~ nurture her and nurse her back to health so I can then I turn nurture all of my little humans who rely on me every day ~ my two amazing children and my current and past students.
We have all heard it before… yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future … live in the present ~ certainly easier said than done .. especially when situations continue to occur outside of your control.
A friend offered me some advice recently ~ “when your children are older what / how do you want them to remember you by… Do you want them to remember you as the happy, fun loving mumma you know you are or one who is fearful of the future and a submissive wall flower”
This very piece of advice shook me to the core. I won’t lie I have let my problems effect me a little too much of late. I’ve encompassed the sadness of revelations that my dad’s rare blood cancer has actually gone into his Bone Marrow. I’ve also succumbed to feeling trapped with the continued barrage of s**t thrown at me by my ex husband. Life has been difficult to say the least.
NO MORE!!!!! NO MORE!!!!
I’m not going to let sadness overwhelm and consume me anymore! I need to be strong for my children and my family. I want to enjoy the times ahead with my dad with positivity, happiness and most importantly gratitude. To look back and know I did the best I could every day .. regardless of circumstances.
Today I choose to be present. Today I choose to be the best version of myself for my two amazing children, my family and friends.
On the 1st January 2019 I went for a glorious walk in the rainforest with my children and one of my closest friends and her tribe. It was simply breathtaking ~ soaking up all of Mother Nature’s goodness. Not only was it a perfect way to start off a new year but also very soul cleansing. The overall sense of peace I had in the moment was extremely powerful and consumed me whole heartedly like an intoxicating potion.
I took this photo (below) and it wasn’t until later when I sat down and really took it in. The simplicity and rawness of the picture. Whatever angle you view the photo from you will see largely the same image. It’s Mother Nature’s work at her finest ~ to show us that regardless of how you view something there is always a different way of looking and viewing..
Made me think of how you see or experience something. Perhaps someone’s angered you or treated you wrong. Reflect ~ look at the problem from another angle and reflect. It could be a lot simpler then once thought.
Try to see the good in every situation. Practise gratitude and mindfulness ~ what is this teaching me?
I guarantee when one starts seeing the beauty in everything ~ even something “shitty” can be turned into a positive lesson.
Sending you light and love for you to be able to do the same.
31st of December .. reflecting back on the year that was. A year of highs and lows, challenges and lessons. I’m so proud of how strong I have become..! It hasn’t been easy and giving up has never been an option although there were times I could have easily done so.